Shez ill, has temperature n flu and she was 104 day before and 99 yesterday. hmmph n i miss her so much, i wana see her, i wana see her badly but i cant. i wana luv her i cant. i cant do anything. its so frustrating. i feel like being numb n smiling, thts it.

the more m luving her these dayz, more dry replies i get, i hav got her confused, soundz like i am forcing her into and its like she wants to tell me not anymore, its over and i am the only one tellin her to come back, maybe i will stop soon, maybe thats better for her, u hav to sacrafize life i've heard so many times, i will do tht for her, she might think i left her which she certainly wud but wht can i do,m demotivated, yes shez ill but she can say few words. :) gotta hide my luv wid my smiles, i gotta hide this pain with smiles i got, i gotta live with these smiles i got, all i can do iz smile n hide. But i luv u and i'll b luving till the end of me.

m lookin at my hands n noticing the lines on 'em, wonderin wht they mean, wht they hav for me init, but then ALlah says tht we can change fate, whts written can b changed by our will :). i dont know wats written for me. m curious where life will take me. Enuff for today.

the more m luvin u,
the more resistance m facin frm u,
i wondr why she doubts me n my feelings so much
why cant she think only abt me
she thinks tht coz of my social life she means nuthin to me
thts wierd, i want her to be part of it, but she doznt go out with me
shez not willin, she does wht she wants to
n i am always blamed and she wont teme too
she just keep it to herself n doesnt leme know
i hav to ask her to teme all abt it
n still she wont teme until i tell her tht i kno this n tht
n she says m not understandin :/
wht iz understandin then ?

she tried callin me up at night but i was fast asleep and mujhay kuch pata he nahi chala
neways, its nice havin her back, i dont like it when i am not in touch with her. I just want to know wht she is upto so tht i can b there for her when she needs me.

n she was all happie today, i cud feel it in her voice. i told her tht i blog some days back, weyse i changed, i wasnt like this. Its true, u only come to know about the real value of stuff when u loose them.

her college has funfair today, i rem i went to her college with her twice on the fun fairs, n it used to be gud being with her,i used to buy her things. She smsed me today n she was like funfair iz kool and dedicate a balloon to me. n i wished so much i cud do more than that.

No matter how busy i get with friends and i go out n all, i luv her the most n i enjoy her company the most, its all abt Her. I miss you.

It's Rabia's birthday today, gave her a surprise call at night and she was shocked for a sec coz she didnt know thts my voice coz we n evr had verbal communcation before. I hope shez happie n enjoyin her day .

talk to u later bloggie, u r koool. Just dont hate me. though i luv it when ppl do but u shudnt.

do u know vinni, u r the most lovin person i know :)
i dont think so, coz i nevr told u such things,
n now tht i lost u, this is when i confess :/
stupid dumb me, luv u so much
yes i want to sort out things but thts not why i talk to u
i talk to u as a friend, i wana u to move on happily like i am trying
i just care too much about you

i luv u, i want u back, i need u, i miss u
kia tum ana chahti wapas
i want u back
i know u need me n i dono if u know it or not
i need u tooo
i badly need u
({) come back to me

(}) ...... she wont now
i just wissssh she was mine

i wanted u to see how i looked
here , have a look
how do i look vinni?

i blogged n ghaib ho gaya sabh
aisa kyun hota hey meyre saath
sabh kuch chala kyun jata hey
mey itna bura tu nahi hoon :/

ppr went bad, i just wana get done with the degree bus,
uskay badh i dono if i will go for mba tht soon leikin i wana work n get myself busy and into all the things i had stopped myself from
weyse bhi m a famous Flirt according to everyone, including her
so why not b one now

see, i waz no gud for her, she parted 4 gud n i hope tht nuthin as bad as me shud happen 2 her evr


this iz wht she wrote to me....

so what have u been thinking?....any plans to make things better?...though of anything to maybe control the situation?....I cant claim to know how to deal with each n every situation..and I might not always be right…but ofcourse that doesn't mean that whatever I think should happen or whatever way I think shud be tackled a situation might not benefit us…it might do us some good….and them maybe not. Its us who haf to start taking decisions abt r life. Lets analyze the whole situation from the scratch…lets see how things have been moving since everything started.

Year 2002
Things seemed very good. I had finally said yes and it felt like being in heaven. U were understanding . Used to listen to me. We were friends too.

Year 2003
Things changed but a little. That does happen in every relationship so it ws a lil natural. U started acting possessive. Started getting jealous. Fine, that happens. Both of us were probably at the same level of jealousy or possessiveness. U got fed up of Adil or atleast U were fed up. I told Adil to leave you as i didn't want any problems. U didn't leave any of yr pals…even net pals that is. Fine maybe u deleted some ppl from his list but they were later added back.

Year 2004
Things started getting bad. Yr immaturity had started getting on my nerves.I used to think that u wud change since every person has to grow up one day..but then i was amazed how u cudnt change. Not even for me!..hmmm…. had started feeling that maybe u werent the guy i had always wanted.

Year 2005
We had a major phadda at the start of this year. It ws the end. But like always, u said the same stuff, u acted the usual way and the phadda was over the usual way..and ofcourse more followed the usual way. Its like a norm now. a pattern. u hafto set the rules. u dont listen to me.

Conclusion:
Its on the downfall. No changes. No positive signs. No understanding. Continuous fights. No respect. Though we are clinging on but things don't seem any better.
Fights are a part of every relationship. But what do u call a relationship where the fights never end and even when they end, there is never a satisfactory explanation of what triggered the fight etc. More false promises. NO result achieved. u haf been saying that i have to wait to see some changes. I wonder if those changes wud take 3 years more?.....
Am not sayin to break it off…coz if u cant see it, then I wont make u see it deliberately….Maybe u r optimistic abt yr future with me. Fine. Try making it work. If it doesn't work, try again just like u have been doing since the past so many months.
I have even made a graphical representation of r relationship. Its very easy to see that r thingee has been on a downfall since it started.There's nothing left in it for us now...

its 9 26 am n i got stats ppr at 12 sumthing. havnt studied anything. i hope kuch parh loon. woh tu mujhay bura he samajhti hey, leikin bus woh manti nahi keh she does, mujhay tu pata hey na.

As I draw up my breath,
And silver fills my eyes.

I kiss her still,
For she will never rise.
On my weak body,
Lays her dying hand.

Through those meadows of Heaven,
Where we ran.
Like a thief in the night,
The wind blows so light.
It wars with my tears,
That won't dry for many years.

"Loves golden arrowAt her should have fled,
And not Deaths ebon dartTo strike her dead

i luv yew, Zen